pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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