Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
