just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
