He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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