she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
