I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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