4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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