For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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