i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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