You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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