Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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