you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
