I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
