Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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