Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
