someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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