Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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