Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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