Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
