her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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