I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
