i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
