Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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