Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
