Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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