we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
