It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
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