i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
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At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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