You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
