dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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