Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I smell like Dick and happiness
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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