if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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