Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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