the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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