Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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