i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
