You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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