Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Randomize
