everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
