love makes seman taste better
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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