New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
