I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence