did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.