things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
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I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.