There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she smelled like a LAN party
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."