I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.