I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
