Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
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It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day