On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just wanna be euthanized