i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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