this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
