Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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