I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize