every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Too much gin, very little bucket
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
