She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
