I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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