If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
