They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So vagazzling was a success
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
