you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
