If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I want to fling myself into the sun
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