Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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