either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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