our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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