I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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