How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
