I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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