I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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