dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
